So what is it then? Have movies brainwashed us into believing that true love is a romantic, passionate thing that fills you? Or is that how it ought to be? Am I settling if I don't expect that? Or am I being more realistic?

Probably, there's not a real, solid definition of what love is or isn't. It's all relative, like everything else. (This makes me understand why some people enjoy math.) But that causes a problem when I am in pursuit of some unknown "true love." How do I know what's what? Maybe not all true love looks and feels the same. Maybe sometimes it comes on slower than other times.

And I feel like an idiot just typing this, because shouldn't you just know? I think you probably should, and do. I knew the first time. So I think ultimately what this is, is me hoping what I am in could turn into true love. And I think, deep down, I know better. And then, that knowledge calls for more questions. Maybe this guy isn't my "one," but is that a reason to break up? It's still an experience, right? That's what life is about. But then, am I just wasting my time with him? Maybe the real thing comes along and I'm still tangled in this relationship that will ultimately go nowhere. Or, if I want to be a little less selfish for a millisecond in my life, what does this mean for him? I could potentially really hurt him if I stay in this with my idle hopes. Maybe he'd fall for me, and I wouldn't fall back.

This is why, every time I get out of a relationship, I tell myself, "I need to stay single for a while." Unfortunately I'm terrible at making commitments to myself, and my arms are around someone new in months, and my brain is telling me, "It could happen, this could be it."And I'll stay around trying to convince myself until it becomes absolutely necessary to leave because I'm breaking his heart. How fucking healthy.