This weekend, we went up to Leinie's Lodge, explored Chippewa Falls, and camped up there. It was a really good time and we had fun.

Last night was just fucking stupid. We were all drinking our canned Leinie's, having a good time, getting drunk. After everyone was leaving, I decided to lie down, as I was drunk & tired. Tony went out to get something from the car and when he came back, I was falling asleep. Oh, and also, I supposedly said something as he was leaving the apartment, which he assumed was me saying something bad about him... out loud... to myself. wtf. So he got all upset and started this CRAZY fight. I just wanted to sleep. Escalated on and on until he said it was over, demanded the money I owed him, and told me to call a friend and kicked me out. All over what, I didn't even know.

I wasn't about to try to reason with crazy, since I already had tried and my efforts proved futile. So I packed my shit, called Tessa, and went outside. Of course then he comes out trying to get me to call her back and tell her not to come, telling me to come inside and lay down, apologized for being wrong but said "Please don't make me do this," referring to breaking up. As if I was making him do anything! HE was being the crazy one, here. The way he changed directions every two minutes was just beyond me. He didn't understand why I wouldn't just come inside and go to bed -- that struck me as just insanely manipulative. I wasn't about to act like everything was fine because he gave me an apology that seemed, to me, like it was just so we'd stop fighting - not because he realized how wrong he was. Tessa picked me up and I cried and slept there.

I went back in the morning because my car was in his garage and I knew we weren't actually over and needed to talk about what happened. We're fine now and I realize he was very drunk and all, but that doesn't come from no where. I can't help but be on my guard about it. I wanted to write this all out so that I can remember and look back if this kind of thing happens again. I don't want to be someone who makes excuses for erratic and somewhat abusive behaviors (calling me a bitch/crazy, kicking me out in the middle of the night, etc). Drunk or not, that's really fucking not cool or okay. He says he knows that and that things just snowballed because he was so drunk... He said he's not going to get stupid drunk like that anymore... But I'm not going to convince myself it's all rainbows and sunshine and that was an evil twin.

I love him a lot and he has SO many great qualities that I love. He is supportive in most every way, encouraging, loving, makes me genuinely laugh, wants to do real things and makes it happen, is committed, etc. I've been thinking long term with him, seeing as how we're coming up on a year, next month. So I don't want to jump to conclusions or break things off. But I want to hold myself accountable, too, if this is just the beginning of true colors showing. I've seen it happen to friends and I don't want it to happen to me. -sigh-