Today was okay. This evening brought me back down to a lesser level. First of all, the person I got to know this weekend, we have a mutual close friend. Much of our bonding involved discussing the strangeness and complexity of our relationship with that friend, and how little sense it made. Tonight, I was talking to that friend, and just came to such a sad realization. He'll never actually appreciate my friendship. I've always made all the effort. I always visit. I always wonder how he is and want to hear about his life. He never makes the effort. He never visits. Maybe he sometimes wonders how I'm doing, sometimes he wants to hear about my life or maybe just takes pity on the fact that I need to talk to someone about it. Sometimes he'll actually confide in me, but christ, why do I still try?
Other news: the infamous "he" talked to me tonight, too. His girlfriend apologized for wrong doings and they're back on track. I almost laughed when he told me. Laughed at myself. For my stupid fluttering heart being struck the fuck back down where it belongs. For the reality check I obviously needed. For history repeating. And for me not seeing it coming. Whatever.
No comments:
Post a Comment